Still Finn Hudson, Still Clueless, Parts 1 and 2
by VioletBeauregarde
Summary: A second companion piece to my ongoing story, "I Finally Know Where My Heart Is." Told from Finn's perspective, while he is on leave from the Army and visiting Rachel in NYC. Santana and Kurt make guest appearances. Smut, etc. thrown in for free. *Both Parts 1 and 2 now up*
1. Part 1: Little Alien Babies

**_Warning: Contains Finn's thoughts and language, and he is not completely politically correct. Also, some sexually explicit material._**

_This is another M-rated companion piece to my other story, "I Finally Know Where My Heart Is," Chapters 12-14. If you have not read IFKWMHI, you should still be able to follow this one without being lost (though- would love for you to read both). For some reason, it amuses me to tell the smutty parts from Finn's perspective. This piece occurs roughly 3 months after the Season 3 Finale, while Finn is on leave after basic training and visiting Rachel in NYC._

_I own nothing but my own mistakes. For those, as always, I beg humble pardon..._

* * *

**Still Finn Hudson, Still Clueless, Part 1 of 2**

_Evening in an 8 story walk-up apartment, somewhere in the Lower East Side of New York City:_

It was official... I. Was. A. Stupid. Ass. Kill me now. Slumped on Rachel's couch, I couldn't bring myself to open my stinging eyes and look across the room at the disappointment I knew I would see in her dark eyes. Usually, I liked that I could sort of tell what she was feeling by looking in her eyes. Not today. Today, I just didn't want to know.

_Earlier that day:_

The day had started out so great, too. I got a really scorching goodbye kiss from Rachel when she left me at her apartment door to go to her 9 o'clock dance class. Her hot little body in her tight dance outfit pressed up against me- fantasy material for weeks to come. I'd already started imagining the ways I could get her out of it later.

Best of all, I was meeting her for lunch at some building at NYADA in few hours. She'd printed me a map and everything. _Where was that map anyway?_ Glancing around the small living room, I noticed the water bottle she had been carrying and then had dropped when we started making out at the doorway. I reached under the little table by the door and picked it up. She'd need that after her dance class. I could probably still catch her, since my legs were like twice as long as hers. Stepping into my shoes by the door, I bolted down 8 flights of stairs and out her building to come to a skidding stop on the sidewalk._ Which way was NYADA, anyway?_ Looking around, I saw my fiance about a block away, now covered in a big sweater thing, but that wasn't all! Some dude had his arm draped around her shoulders and was like leaning all over her talking to her, while she laughed up at him. _What the hell?_ **My** Rachel with some random guy's arm around her. _Oh, hello no._ I called out to her, but she didn't hear me because she was so into her conversation, and the traffic was sort of loud. Well, I was _not_ going to run after her like some sap.

After they turned a corner and were out of sight, I stomped back into her building thinking over what I had seen. This was Rachel, so there had to be a reasonable explanation. He was probably a good friend or something, and hopefully gay. Okay, Kurt would slam me for thinking that way, but damn- Nobody should be that close to my woman unless they were related or gay or me. I tried to shake it off, as I knocked on the apartment door. Hopefully, the she-devil, Santana, would let me back in, since I didn't have a key or anything.

"Do I look like your doorman, Tiny?" Santana grumbled when she finally opened the door after I'd been knocking for like 10 minutes.

"Either that or give me a key, Santana," my tone dripping sarcasm, as I smiled sweetly. I was in no mood for her shit right now, though we were getting along better these days, which was good since she was Rachel's roommate.

_Rachel's __roommate_... "Hey Santana," thinking how to put what I wanted to ask, "Does Rachel have any close friends in the city besides you and Kurt? I haven't met any during my visit..." I trailed off.

"Oh, you know, several intense, creepy theater types... kind of like her actually." Santana replied, "Why?"

"I just saw her with some guy. I was kind of wondering," _Okay this was pathetic._ I did not want Santana to get the idea I was jealous of Rachel's friends. She would never let me hear the end of it.

"Hmm...what- worried she's going to dump your ass for Jesse St. James, the Sequel?" she looked at me with disgust.

"Forget it," I went in Rachel's bedroom and closed the door.

* * *

I was so anxious to talk to Rach about Mr. Get-Your-Damn-Hands-Off-My-Woman, that I was a full 10 minutes early for my lunch date with her at the Student Commons place at NYADA. I had thought about it all morning while I did my laundry in a laundromat near Rachel's apartment. Sitting in a dinky plastic chair watching my whites spin in the washer, I decided that I just needed to chill. Rachel wouldn't cheat on me, not after what had happened with Puck junior year. Still, it was like an itch that I couldn't reach to scratch, I just couldn't get the image of that jerk with his arm wrapped around Rachel out of my head.

So, I wasn't prepared or happy to see her with the dude again when they walked through the crowd in the Student Commons 5 minutes later. They were at least 20 feet away, and they didn't see me. He leaned over her looking into her eyes and laid his hand on her neck. Burning rage filled me as I started to step forward and slam that son of bitch through the window..._**Oh, g**__**od...**__**They **__**were **__**kissing!**_

Everything slowed down to half speed. I couldn't move. My world stopped and stuttered for few seconds and the room seemed suddenly empty except for the three of us. He drew away from her and looked at her. She didn't slap him or anything. She just looked back at him and said something I couldn't hear, not that I could hear anything with the weird whooshing sound in my ears. Suddenly time came rushing forward again, and he reached to squeeze her hand and turned to walk off. I honestly felt like I was in an _Aliens_ movie, and one of the little alien babies had just ripped out of my chest and taken my heart with it.

I felt something wet hit my cheek. _Was I crying in the middle of all these people after watching my girlfriend make out with some asshole?_ How pathetic and stupid was I to think that a girl like Rachel could be happy with just me? Not really thinking of anything except getting the hell away from the burning pain that had settled in my chest, I turned and ran out of the building. I didn't stop running for 8 blocks. By some miracle, I had run in the direction of Rachel's apartment building, because I recognized the laundromat with the sucky plastic chairs, where I'd done my laundry that morning.

I pounded on the apartment door until Santana finally let me in again.

"Damn, Finn, this is getting old..."She stopped when she looked up at my face, stepping back silently. I probably looked like I had been bawling like a little kid, but I couldn't even make myself care that my former enemy saw me this way. Some alien baby had run off with my heart, leaving only pain, hurt, and rage.

**Damn****it!** Rage coursed through me as I stepped over to the couch and kicked it as hard as I could, wishing it was that guy's face. How could I let this happen again? Did I have "sucker" stamped across my forehead or something? Why did girls always cheat on me? First Quinn, then Rachel and now Rachel **again**. Well,** never** again. I was going to see to that. _Think Hudson, you need to get out of here._ Your flight back to Georgia is tomorrow at 11 am. I could just wander around until then or go to the airport. People slept in airports, right?

Just then I was distracted by my phone beeping. Glancing at it, I noticed a text from Kurt. Kurt! I could go to my step-brother's. His apartment was somewhere in the Village. We were supposed to hang out today anyway, since he didn't have any afternoon classes at the fashion design school he attended. I quickly texted him that I would meet him at his apartment in half an hour.

I packed my duffel bag as fast as I could, moving around the apartment collecting my stuff, trying really hard to clear my mind of everything. I did a lousy job of it, until it came to the note I planned to leave for Rachel. The words wouldn't come, but then I just decided to tell her what I saw and how I felt about it. Grabbing a piece of paper from the printer in her room, I wrote:

_Rachel,_

_I_ **saw**_ you this morning outside your building, and again in the student place, where I was supposed to meet you, with some guy. **Kissing **some guy. How could you not tell me there was someone else? I think it's best if I remove myself from your life now._

_Finn_

Handing the note to a worried looking Santana, I was out the door before she could say anything. I looked up Kurt's address in my phone and was there in 20 minutes.

He buzzed me in, and met me at his door, but his cheerful smile faded immediately when he took in my face, "Finn, what_ is_ wrong? You look like Blaine when he found out Oprah was retiring."

I walked in his apartment, dropped my duffel and did something I thought I'd never do. I leaned into my brother and just broke down. I tried to tell him about Rachel and the guy and the kissing in between well... racking sobs. _What the hell was wrong with me? Men didn't cry like this!_

One of Kurt's roommates came out of a nearby room to stare at me. It was pretty embarrassing. Kurt must of gotten that, because he glared at his roommate snapping, "Brandon, go watch 'The Biggest Loser,' if you want to see men cry!" He pulled me into what I assumed was his room and gently pushed me into a chair by his bed.

"Finn, I'm getting you a cup of camomile tea and then I'm going to call Ms Berry and get to the bottom of this. No one cheats on my brother - twice! As Mercedes would say, 'Hell to the NO!'"

The tea was pretty good actually, kind of sweet and flowery, like Rachel's perfume. Oh, God..._**Pain**_. I squeezed my eyes shut. I needed to forget- at least for a little while. Maybe if I slept, but who was I kidding? How would I sleep like this? Alcohol always made me sleepy, and I certainly couldn't feel much worse, so a hangover wouldn't be a problem.

"Kurt," he jumped when I spoke after so long, "You got any alcohol?"

"That is such an epically bad idea, Finn," Kurt tsk'ed, "You somehow managed to get drunk from 2 beers at Puck's graduation party. It took Sam, Puck, Mike, Blaine, and me to get you home that night. Remember how upset Rachel was. She kept trying to help us, but just managed to get under foot."

"Fine, I'll go get some myself," I responded stubbornly, the mention of Rachel shoving the knife the little alien baby must have left in my chest a little deeper.

"How?- I'd like to know." Kurt glared at me.

"I'll go give the first street person I meet my last fifty bucks for his bottle."

Kurt's eyes flared with alarm, "Well, we might have some Remy Martin left from our Oscar Wilde party a couple of weeks ago..." at my clueless expression, Kurt explained, "It's French cognac. If you're going on a bender, might as well be the good stuff."

"I just want a glass, so I can sleep, and forget for a while. Can I crash here tonight? And if you do call Rachel, tell her I don't want to see her or talk to her," finishing with more conviction than I felt.

Kurt's eyes widen briefly at this, but then he said, "I'll get you a cognac."

Kurt returned with this huge glass he called a sniffer or something of brownish alcohol. He was on his phone. I heard him say something about what Rachel knew about men being able to go through the eye of a needle, and that I was ruining his bedspread by sobbing all over it. I glared at Kurt. _Not sobbing** now**, my eyes were just watering a little... and, I was only sort of leaning over his bed from the chair with my head in my hands. I don't think I'd cried on his damn designer bedding. Whatever._

Kurt held the phone away from his mouth and covered the mouthpiece, "Finn, Rachel really needs to talk to you. She says it's all a big misunderstanding."

I grabbed the snifter thing from Kurt's hand and downed the whole thing in one go. It made me cough and burned like fire all the way down to my stomach. It kind of blended in with all the other pain I was feeling. I adamantly shook my head no. "Not happening. Tell her to find some other chump."

Kurt finished his call to Rachel. I couldn't hear it all, because he was talking low, and I was starting to feel the alcohol. Last I remember, I slumped down in the chair.

I woke sometime later, to Kurt shaking me, "Finn! Finn! Stop yelling. You're making Brandon hysterical." I looked at him blearily, "You must have been dreaming. You kept yelling for Rachel."

Seems I couldn't even escape her in my sleep. I'd been dreaming of Rachel running to a train and leaping on laughing. She just looked back at me as I ran to catch up to her, but I couldn't, no matter how hard I tried.

"Kurt," I was surprised at how raspy and slurred my voice was when I spoke, "I need to go to Rachel's apartment. Now. Will you help me?"

The cab ride across Manhattan was a whirling ride of nausea and agony. I think I puked out the cab window at one point. I threw Kurt my wallet saying, "Give the guy a good tip, will you."

I looked at the annoyed eyes reflected in the cab's rear view mirror, "Man, I'm so sorry." Though I really didn't care much at this point.

Somehow, we made it up all the steps to Rachel's apartment, and Santana opened the door and let me in for the third time that day, "Never thought I'd be glad to see the..." Pausing to look at me. " …drunk off his ass idiota!" She then called for Rachel. I wobbled a little where I stood with Kurt trying to hold me up.

Rachel's bedroom door opened suddenly. There she was, my beautiful little bird. After a wicked fight junior year, she had told me that I made her so happy, and she wanted to hold on to me so tightly, that she was crushing me in her hands like a little bird. It had been a very touching speech where she basically told me she was alright with me doing my thing, playing football and stuff. Something poetic like opening her hands and letting me fly free. Now, I tried to get the basic idea to come out of my mouth, which wasn't cooperating.

"Ra-shh," I slurred, leaning toward her, "You're my little bird. I'm not going to squashhh... you in my hands. I'm going to open them up and let you fly free." There I'd said it. I had garbled it, but she would understand. When I looked at her, I just wasn't so mad anymore. I loved her so much. I loved her enough to let her go, so she would be happy, even though, I was pretty sure it would kill me.

I guess I stood there kind of stupidly for a while before Kurt shoved me onto Santana and Rachel's couch. I fell back with a thud, as he and Santana took off, leaving me to face Rachel- _alone_.

_This is where my story began:_

I. Was. A. Stupid. Ass. Kill me now, etc. Peeking under my eyelashes, I could see that Rachel sat in a small chair across from me, not saying a word, just waiting, and looking at me with that stare she had that could wear a hole in a person. Maybe I could fake passing out, and buy some time.

_No! Time to man-the-fuck-up and face the worst, Hudson._ I opened my eyes completely and looked around the slightly tippy room to focus on Rachel. She said my name... there she was...so beautiful and so... _sad_... looking back at me. _What was I thinking?_ I couldn't let her go without a fight. _Screw the free the little bird crap, she was my little bird, damn it!_ I had to at least try to get her to remember that she loved me.

"Ra-shh, I lied. I-I can't set you free. Be-cause of what you said to me that night when we made love in the rain. I am yours, and you are mine. Ras-shel, I belong to you, and you belong to **me**. Not-not to some guy you kissed that wasn't me. We belong to each other."

Silence. Deafening silence, after that. _Oh, crap. This was bad._ My already churning stomach, clenched. She was going to tell me to go to hell. Closing my eyes again, I cursed my fuzzy brain- if I could just think of what to do...

I could tell when she got up and walked to her kitchen, and I heard water running behind me. I felt the slight shift of the couch when she came and sat next to me. She put a glass in my hand, and took my other hand to put what felt like pills in my palm, saying, "Here- take these aspirin and drink this whole glass of water, and then maybe another."

I did as instructed meekly. Anything for her to talk to me, touch me.

"Finn,"she touched me on my arm, gently, "Do you think you could manage to get in the bathroom for a shower? I really think that would help."

_Was she crazy? Move?_ - When the room was spinning like one of those rides that always made me sick at carnivals, even when I was sober. Well, I guess I could at least give it a try, to make her happy. I slowly stood up and almost just sat back down again.

If I hadn't been concentrating on staying on my feet, I would have laughed when she wrapped her arm around my waist and started helping me to the bathroom. I put my arm behind her shoulders, and as bad as I felt, I could have done that all day. I tried not to lean on her too much, since I was so much bigger. What a brave woman she was, coaxing a guy to walk that had more than a foot on her in height, and a least 70 pounds in weight. I could really hurt her if I fell on her. That thought helped to sober me up some.

We finally got to the bathroom. I felt like I could not go another step, let alone do the stuff it took to take a shower. She handed me a toothbrush. Since my breath could probably make paint peel, I brushed my teeth. It felt good to get the taste of alcohol out of my mouth.

Then she was pulling off my t-shirt, and unbuttoning my jeans. This would have been some kind of hot another time, but I just couldn't summon the energy to be turned on.

Standing in my boxers, feeling all kinds of a loser, the room only gently tilting now, which _was_ an improvement, I said sheepishly, "Rach...The room is like- spinning a little. Can you um...stay with me?- In case I need help."

This was humiliation on a whole new level. I felt like the next time I tried to go to a Mens room, they wouldn't let me in. She agreed to stay with me, her voice all soft and soothing.

As she was pulling down my boxers, _(Oh, how I wished I didn't feel like I was wearing my brain like a party hat on the outside of my skull, because this was the best part.)_ anyway, I needed to say something, anything: "Rach, I'm so sorry you have to do this. Sorry for everything. You must be so pissed at me."

"It hasn't been a very good day for either of us, Finn. We'll talk more about it after your shower. I just want you to know one thing- Adam, the guy you saw, was a huge misunderstanding. I hope you know that."

Her eyes seemed so large and bottomless as she looked up at me, as if willing me to understand. I nodded, and I went on to explain about seeing her kissing ...Adam,_ the dick finally had a name_. How it felt like the alien baby just ripped out my heart and left in beating on the floor in front of me. I didn't say that exactly, but I could tell what I did say kind of grossed her out. "So much worse than it had been with Quinn or even with you and Puck," I finished lamely.

"I think we both have a lot more to lose this time around, Finn. We need to talk about that, but now it's time for a shower," and she held my arm as I stepped into the shower.

I hadn't realized how keyed up I was. The warm water felt really great on the tight muscles of my back. I rolled my shoulders, groaning under the steamy spray.

"How does that feel?" Oh, she must be asking about the shower. _Wake up, Hudson!_

I said the first thing that came to mind, "Lonely." _Well, that was … honest._ I looked her in the eye, terrified of what I would see, willing her to forgive my utter dumbassedness.

_The girl certainly knew how to make a statement, that was for sure._ Next I knew, she climbed into the shower with me- clothes and all! I just stood there in shock for a second. She wrapped her arms around my waist and pressed herself to me. I put my arms about her in return, and it occurred to me, not for the first time, that I was the luckiest bastard in the world.

Standing with the water washing over us, pressed tightly to each other, it became kind of a mailman moment for me. Her clothes were wet now, and I could feel her breasts, especially her taut nipples pressing into my chest.

Then, as if to torture me further, she started pulling off her wet clothes. Smiling up at me she said, "I might as well get clean, too."

_Oh, on all that is holy, Grilled Cheesus! Give me strength!_ Her thighs, hips, tiny waist, and finally breasts were slowly bared to me in a sexy, watery strip tease. I watched as water ran down her body and felt jealous of the way it moved over the peaks and valleys of her supple skin. My fingers itched to follow its path.

She took a wash cloth in her hand and started soaping it up, while I eyed her warily. It was her soap. I had smelled it on her skin many times before. My head started spinning for reasons having nothing to do with alcohol, as she took the cloth and rubbed over my shoulders, neck and chest.

"Close your eyes," she said softly. I hated to do it_ (The view was so great!)_, but I obeyed her command.

After I did, I startled a little when I felt the soapy washcloth on my face. Somehow, probably on tip toe, she reached the top of my head, soaping it up, and scraped her nails over my scalp and all through my very short hair, I leaned over towards her, groaning. I felt her fingers glide over my soapy cheeks to the little dent over my lips. Kissing her fingertips, I tasted soap.

I must have made a face because she chuckled and moved my head under the stream of the shower to rinse it. I reached out blindly and found her face, cupping it in my hands. Drawing her to me until both our heads were in the direct fall of the water, I leaned over and pressed a very wet kiss full on her lips. My hands trailed over her back to her sides and down to her hips, my fingers clenching and unclenching over her soft skin.

Finally, she took a step back, picked up the washcloth again and scrubbed over my stomach and hips. She paused, looking up at me from under her eyelashes before her washcloth covered fingers passed with agonizing slowness over the length of my erection several times. I gasped aloud and shut my eyes. _Not yet_, we both seemed to be thinking. _Not yet, but __**soon**__... _ She moved downward to wash my legs and feet carefully.

I reached down for her hand and pulled her against my chest with some force, murmuring, "Thanks, Rach. I really appreciate you taking care of me, especially when I don't deserve it."

She laid an open mouth kiss on my bare chest over my heart.

I felt so much better than I had before I stepped in the shower, and I told her so. She dropped her gaze to the part of me currently pressing against her stomach. The look smoldering in her eyes made them almost black. I felt another surge of desire. I just had to touch her right then..._my turn_!

"You need to get clean, too," I said in a low voice, she looked surprised when I took the washcloth from her loose grip and rinsed it, and began soaping it.

Turning her around so her back was to me, I moved her hair aside, placing kisses along her shoulders. I followed a path with the wash cloth along her shoulders, arms, and down her back. Both my hands stole around to her breasts and gently lathered them, my fingers plucking her taut nipples. I could tell by her breathing that she liked it, wanted me to touch her. My soapy hands moved over her stomach to the flare of her hips. I gently tugged her backwards into me, so our bodies were pressed together, as my fingers strayed lower, following the path of the water. So wet. I stifled a groan.

"Oh... Finn..." her quiet, breathy sigh seemed to fill the small space. _Not yet...soon..._

Straightening my spine, I reached over her for her shampoo and put some in my hand and began washing her hair. I dug my fingers into the long strands, moving along until my fingers were massaging her scalp. A throaty moan escaped her. Who knew washing a girl's hair could be so hot? With the fingers on both hands I could almost span her entire head.

She rinsed the soap from her hair, and reached back to put a glob of conditioner in my hand. "Start at the ends of my hair and go up," she advised. I did as she said, ending up at the top of her head kneading again. She leaned back into me- the lengths of our bodies touching again, the back of her head to my chest. I wrapped my arms around her as we stood in the spray to rinse off. Neither of us seemed to want the shower to end.

* * *

_Thus ends Part 1. Part 2 will be up later today. Hope you are enjoying it! Reviews are like chocolate to me (a very good thing)._


	2. Part 2: Rachel Gets Her Freak On

**Warning: This gets fairly naughty at the end. Avert your eyes, if you aren't into that.**

* * *

**Still Finn Hudson, Still Clueless, Part 2**

The water was actually turning pretty cold by the time we got out of the shower to dry each other off. I had a great time toweling dry her butt and my other favorite places. Rachel had so much fun trying to reach up to dry my hair, while I ducked out of her way. She had a glint in her eye when she said, "It seems a shame to put on a lot of clothes after this."

I told her I was totally on-board with the less clothing option for the evening. We were alone in the apartment and ordering Chinese delivery for dinner, so why bother with too many clothes? To not shock the delivery guy, though, I did pull on some lounge pants I'd bought the day before. Didn't bother with a shirt, since she seemed to like me without one these days. _Army PT- not a total waste._

Rachel put on some short pink, silky robe-thing that made even my loose lounge pants a little uncomfortable. I did finally throw on a t-shirt to pay the delivery guy and get our food. There was no way I was giving the guy a free show by having Rachel answer the door!

As we finished our Chinese at the coffee table in the living room, the mood turned quiet. I was thinking about the day and all that had happened between us. Not to mention, this was the last night I could hold her in my arms for months maybe. During the meal, we had talked about normal stuff, like her classes and Kurt, but finally the conversation just died- right after the fortune cookies. She got a look on her face that I always dreaded because I knew something heavy was coming. She started talking about that Adam guy, about how friendly and funny he was. If I never heard his name again, I'd be happy._ Wait._ She was saying she had no idea that he had feelings for her until today when he kissed her. She said she didn't have any feelings for him besides friendship.

"Rachel, I think I understand now. I know I acted a little crazy, but I saw you with your arms around each other walking away from your building this morning. I ran out to give you the water bottle you dropped when you kissed me goodbye. I guess you didn't hear me call you because you were talking to him. I'll admit I was really jealous even then, but I planned to talk to you about it. Then when I got to the Student Commons, I saw his hands on you, and then he kissed you. From where I was standing it didn't seem like you minded..." The image in my head would haunt me for a long time.

"Oh, Finn, I 'minded' more than you can possibly imagine!" she reached over and took one of my hands, "I was shocked and squirming inside, I backed away as soon as I recovered. Adam knew then that he had overstepped. He took my friendly behavior towards him much more seriously than I ever intended. I plan to talk to him about it and explain that we can be friends, and that is_ absolutely all_. "

"I wish you wouldn't see him at all," I replied through gritted teeth, "but I know I have no right to ask that. And that's what is really driving me crazy, Rachel. You are talented, smart, beautiful, sexy, and lots of other words. Tomorrow, I have to get on a plane and leave you here with guys like him hanging around you. For not the first time, it makes me really doubt my decision about joining the army."

"But Finn, you forget one important thing. I don't _love_ them. I don't want to _marry_ them. I don't want to spend my life with them. I feel all those things and so much more for you. _Only __you._ I will feel this way until I die."

I raised a hand to her cheek brushing my fingers downward and over her slender neck, "I know you feel those things, Rach, but what if you change your mind or meet somebody else," she started shaking my head really fast, but I continued, "It's the same argument it's always been... do I have the right to hold you to your promise to marry me when we will be apart so much of the time? Oh, how I want to- so much it hurts."

"Do **you** think you will change your mind or meet somebody else?" she asked in a shaky voice.

"No. For me there will only_ ever_ be you." I answered right away, because I knew it with everything in me. I think I had known from almost the beginning- at my first Glee rehearsal on a high school stage in Lima, Ohio.

"Then why can't you believe that I feel the same? Don't you trust me as much as you trust yourself?"

I couldn't let her ever think that, though I hadn't done a very good job of showing trust today, "Rachel, I trust you with my life, I just don't want you to regret your choice in me."

"Never! I will never regret it," she replied passionately.

"You have to promise me that you'll tell me right away if..." I gulped in air, feeling sick at the next thought "...if you ever change your mind."

She stood up and took my hand, leading me toward her bedroom. My already semi-aroused body seemed to do a little jig and jump to attention at this. "Finn, I need your phone and iPod." _What? Wait._

Confused, I reached in my pocket for my iPhone and gave it to her, then went to my duffel bag and dug out my iPod still attached to my headphones.

I curiously watched her sync both devices to her laptop. She then put my iPod in her speaker dock next to her bed, where we were sitting.

"One of the perks of going to a performing arts school- lots of recording equipment. This song is a little unpolished, because I did it on short notice without a lot of practice. I hope you like it... I know you like classic rock, and I thought the lyrics were really appropriate." She pushed the play button, and her amazing voice filled the room:

_This is for you Finn Hudson, love of my life. Play this when you are missing me, and know that I am missing you, too. I love you, Finn._

_(Feel Like Making Love by Bad Company)_

_Baby, when I think about you  
I think about love  
Darling, don't live without you  
And your love  
If I had  
Those golden dreams  
Of my yesterday  
I would wrap you  
In the heavens  
As they lay dying  
On the way_

_Feel like making - - - -  
Feel like making love  
Feel like making love to you_

_Baby, if I think about you  
I think about love  
Darling, if I live without you  
I live without love  
And if I had  
The sun and moon  
And they were shining  
I would give you  
Both night and day  
Love satisfying  
_

_Feel like making - - - -  
Feel like making love  
Feel like making love to you_

_And if I had  
Those golden dreams  
Of my yesterdays  
I would wrap you  
In the heavens  
As they lay dying  
On the way_

_Feel like making - - - -  
Feel like making love  
Feel like making love to you_

After the last notes of the song faded to silence, I sat there, next to her on her bed, staring at her for what must have been a full minute after that. So many feelings were rushing through me at once. The song was beautiful and well sung, of course- it _was_ Rachel, but the fact that she sang it for me, had done this for me, so I could take a little piece of her with me when I went back to Fort Benning, Georgia was so amazingly loving. The little alien baby didn't have my heart after all, because I felt it in my chest beating hard just then, beating just for her.

I took her hand in mine, and laid it over my chest. I leaned forward and kissed her with all my might, trying to show her without words all the things I was feeling, because I couldn't find the right words just then, if my life depended on it. I felt an overwhelming hunger: hunger for her love, for her body, and a great need to make love to her. I wanted her to remember me and miss me as much as I would miss her- with my whole soul.

When we fell back together on her bed, I leaned over her to hit the repeat button on my iPod, so her song would play again and again. I would never get tired of listening to it. I wanted to make love to her hearing her sweet voice singing to me, both recorded _and_ live. Rachel took advantage of my body being stretched over her to press open lipped kisses along the skin of my lower chest and down my belly. I sucked in at the feeling of her tongue running along the waistband of my lounge pants. She slithered further down the bed in her silky robe until her head was at my groin, her hands pulling at the elastic waist of my pants until my erection popped out, hovering over her. As she lifted her head from the bed and took me in her mouth, I let out a strangled gasp. Oh, this was, oh...no mailman could help me now. She licked and sucked, teasing me with her lips and tongue, as I balanced on my arms over her. I felt my release building, but I didn't want it to end.

"Rach! Oh, god, Rach, that is so... Don't stop... No, _stop_!" I hissed in a breath.

She had the nerve to giggle at me, "Which is it, Finn? Stop? Don't stop?"

Alright, she wanted to play? I slid down the bed until we were face to face. Nuzzling my way up her neck to her ear I whispered, "I want to be inside you. I want to feel you around me. I want to hear you moan my name when I make you come... re-peat-ed-ly." Each sylable of the last word was punctuated by a nipping kiss on her neck below her ear.

I raised my head to stare intently down at her. She returned my gaze with a look of burning desire that reflected my own. Her robe had come undone, and she lay there with her legs over the edge of the bed her nakedness pressing against my hip. Leaning back a little, I trailed my palms down her chest over her breasts, her nipples catching in my fingers before I eventually continued slowly downward over her soft stomach, to the silky curls between her legs. My fingers playing over her warm folds, so wet, so ready and just for me. She whimpered deep in her throat, "Finn...I... uhnnhh..."

_Always such a rush to make your girl speechless._ I grinned to myself. Leaning down to press my lips to her ear again because I knew she liked it, "Yes, babe? Do you need something? What can I do for you?" My fingers all the while playing gentle percussive beats over her sensitive nub.

Suddenly, my tiny girlfriend had me by one of the things that uh... really matters to a guy, "Finn Hudson, if you don't _fuck_ me..." _(I __literally __gasped __at __this. __She had __whispered __it, __but __she __still had _**_said _**_it. __Rachel __Berry __talking __dirty! __Holy __crap! This was so beyond hot!) _"... and do it right now, I will not be held accountable for my actions." To emphasize her point, she squeezed her hand around me with what she liked to call _conviction_. My eyes watered with the intense pleasure and slight stinging of it. _Scary __force __of __nature, __this __one._

"Yes, ma'am," I tried a mock salute with a grin. She relaxed her hand but continued to stroke me teasingly.

_Enough __of __this.._. Moving to my knees, I raised her hips off the edge of the bed and buried myself with one thrust that made us both cry out. Somehow her ankles ended up at my shoulders. This was new, and this was**_ incredible_**. _Girlfriends __who do __yoga __for __flexibility __are totally __awesome! _Surrounded by her tight wetness, I really wasn't sure how long I could last. That never seemed to change. I guess we were both still pretty worked up from our shower earlier, because I soon recognized the little sounds she often made when she was hovering close to the edge. She tipped over, moaning my name as I had hoped, and I followed soon after her. I slid down to hug her to me fiercely, still intimately connected.

Brushing a few strands of hair from her face, I looked into her half-closed eyes and said in wonder, "Every time... I think it can't be any more amazing than the time before- then it just _is_. I love you madly, babe, and not just because of the great sex."

She laughed, and I could feel it where we were still um...together. "I love you madly, too, Finn, but it might have something to do with the amazing sex."

* * *

_For those of you who are reading "I Finally Know Where My Heart Is," my apologies that a few portions of that story were repeated in this one. Just how it worked out for the flow of this story. I hope that Finn elaborating on them at least made it interesting._

_So hope you enjoyed it! Reviews would be so kind of you._


End file.
